The Elusive Acorn

The Elusive Acorn 

Lately I have had a fascination for acorns…. and at the risk of sounding less than intelligent, I even looked up on the internet to see what I could find out about Acorn Trees…..Seriously…..there is no such thing as an acorn tree. Acorns come from Oak Trees. (I was a little embarrassed) Oak trees are those solid trees that have their own aura of strength and majesty that produce small little acorns. DreamWorks Animation has some fun little clips about how important the acorn is to one little prehistoric delusional squirrel-like creature. (DearmWorks believes that great stories inspire great possibilities.) I love watching their creations about this little squirrel always trying to hold onto the elusive acorn. Hold onto it as though it was the most prized possession in all the world. Made me start thinking about a few things…. Like what kind of acorns am I trying to find or hold onto? Is it always just out of my grasp? Because of all the distractions and calamities that are around, does it keep slipping away? Maybe once in a while held temporarily in my possession only to lose it again? A thought I had is maybe what I need to do to solve my little dilemma I create is try to be more like the solid oak tree producing many acorns with plenty to share? Gives it a whole new dimension of perspective.

Life is interesting…couldn’t live without it. It’s filled with relationships, adventures, learning, stretching, growing. Life is not always easy. Obstacles happen, insensitivity wreaks havoc, and unwelcome surprises challenge us along the way. I’ve decided that without some positive input on a regular basis, the trials can become crippling, destructive and very unfulfilling. I have often thought about what we do to ourselves in the realms of self doubt. It burdens any progress toward the good that is out there and what is promised to each of us in our divine nature of existence. And what about the comparisons we do of the ‘what is, what could be and what we think it should be’? It becomes an enigma that is not easily figured out, especially when tragedies or hard things cross our paths from time to time. 

In one of my down days my dad once said to me, “The Deann I know is always doing such wonderful things and is so talented”. In my realm of self doubt, and with my sometimes less-than-perfect outlook, I realized the Deann I know is always trying to protect herself. Sometimes I feel fragile in that outreach program in my head, and try to protect myself from critics, from opinionated, cruel and insensitive bullies, from misunderstandings… If I put myself out there looking for the perfect scenario of what life on the good path is supposed to be like, I realize that there may not be any perfect scenario. It can be elusive and dodgy. And requires taking risks and stepping away from my cozy comfort zone. 

In all the sorting of thought processes and figuring out what my trigger points are for my annoying depressed thinking, I’ve decided I may just be a little backward in how I view myself. Thinking I’m somehow not good enough. Fear is crippling. Finding the courage to step out of the secure comfort zone of my existence where cozy mediocrity reins is a daily challenge. Get this:  I often feel like I don’t want to be “too good” at something at the risk of making someone else feel less than good enough. I don’t want their own measuring, mapping, and course for their lives to be hindered with comparison of what I do… I hope what I do inspires rather than perspires…. helping others to maybe chart their own course to fulfilling their own wonderful dreams for their higher, better self. Thus my tendency to want to be more behind the scenes as the unidentified author or creator of whatever my imagination can produce. It’s safe.

I’ve been taking a water aerobics class in the early morning a couple days of the week. At the end of our class we do some “Water Yoga”. When I looked up what yoga was all about, this is what I found. “The original context of yoga was spiritual development practices to train the body and mind to self observe and become aware of their own nature. The purposes of yoga were to cultivate discernment, awareness, self-regulation and higher consciousness in the individual.”  I really liked that perception. Along the way even Yoga has been misinterpreted and used to a different purpose than what was originally intended.  “The split occurring between those seeking physical development versus those seeking spiritual development has widened, the lack of awareness and attention to inner experience has disconnected the practitioner from his body.” So even this has gone through some worldly changes… I think that is where my struggles were coming from after serving a full time mission and returning back into the distractions and busy-ness in the realms of civilian life. A process I had not been prepared to face. Although it’s been a struggle, I realize it was my own doing causing that split between my spiritual and physical awareness.

Given a choice, I prefer to go to the spiritual development realm of this life. (Do more yoga, more relaxing music, more meditation, more doings in the spiritual realm of living.) If I can cultivate a little discernment, awareness, self-regulation and higher consciousness in myself, I can see how I would feel so much better. And in the meantime, I might develop a little strong oak capacity to my inner core and use my God given talents to enrich others lives by sharing my acorns. I need to learn to really enjoy this life journey, without so many inhibitions. 

Easier said than done, but so goes the story of life…. If it’s worth having, it’s worth exploring and working hard to reach for and enjoy the new parameters of peace and joy. Putting in a little extra effort to see it happen will, no doubt, bring about some wonderful opportunities to see more rainbows, create more acorns and enjoy more flowers and all the miracles this life has to offer. I’m heading on a journey of new discovery to find better coping skills that can take me away from the distractions and bad karma in the world that can ruin life’s journey. No more hiding under that bushel basket. No more chasing after that elusive acorn. I am seizing the day, just one anchored acorn at a time.

                                                                                                                                          (Anonymous) Hirschi, November 2018